Another Depression Post

Seems like every writer blog has one lately, a detailing of their struggle with clinical depression. How it lies. How it wears you down. Makes your body ache. How, insidiously, it assures you that everyone else has it worse, and you’re a horrible person for taking on when you actually have it really easy.

Everyone’s talking about it, because it is so very important. It is so easy to “forget” that you’re not alone, to shove that knowledge aside because you don’t deserve that small comfort. Or to look at the dozens and dozens of blog posts on depression, and instead of coming away feeling better, you feel worse because look how shitty they have it, and they still got a book out last year.

Some people can do that. Some people can’t. Some people are able to do that because they got help.

In general, I despise terms like “late bloomer” because they imply there is a time by which we should have a big enough pile of manuscripts and paychecks and trophies to point to and say “Look! Success!” When you have depression, adorable terms like “late bloomer” just add to the seamless gray press of worthlessness and loserdom. But late by whose standards?

Publishing isn’t going anywhere. It may be flopping around in an unattractive manner and tearing its hair over something or other, but it’ll be there. Take care of yourself. Bloom when you’re able.

Get help if you need it. You’re so worth it. You’re already worth it.

And since we so often need permission from someone who’s already bloomed, here’s Self-Care for Writers on Chuck Wendig’s blog.

~C

 

 

Comments Off on Another Depression Post

Filed under Uncategorized

Myötähäpeä

Myötähäpeä.

From the Finnish, this lovely word means “second-hand embarrassment, or co-shame.” It’s that sense of awful, gut-curdling embarrassment I get for another person who is making a fool of themselves. The plummeting inward groan and  flush of heat to my scalp that makes me walk behind the couch or into the kitchen when a character on TV is making an ass of themselves. I guess to put an additional barrier between me and the imaginary situation that’s making me want to roll up into the upholstery for this person.

I feel that way every time a self-pubbed author implodes over a bad review, or even just the perception of a bad review.

Myötähäpeä.

Instead of going on about how I feel that kind of behavior reflects on the rest of us, I just want to say this:

If you read anything of mine, and didn’t like it, I might be sad about it, I might mope around my house and what’s the poooooooiiiinnnnnntt into my folded arms for awhile. But I’m not going to waddle into your review ass-first and tell you you read it wrong, or that you’re a steeple-fingered, cackling star miser. I don’t get to pick how you feel about the thing I poured into your head.

The fact is, you didn’t have to give an unknown self-pubber a shot at all, and you did.

All I can say to that is Thank You.

Comments Off on Myötähäpeä

Filed under Uncategorized

Failed Novelist (Just Foxing Around)

4720a850de7ea7d02c71f12e56e593cb

Just looked up one day and realized it’s been almost a year since RT14, and therefore almost a year since I posted here. Oops. I’d meant to have the second Sly Magic book out by now, but the truth is I’ve been working on other things, different stories, different ways of telling them. The self-pub market is always changing, the chances of readers finding a single book by an unknown author with no platform even slimmer than before, if that’s possible. Everyone’s feeling the crunch, even authors who’ve been self-publishing for years and making steady income that way are having to step back, reevaluate, and recalibrate. It’s something I think every author, regardless of publishing path, has to do. Figure out how to keep moving forward in a swamped landscape, and not *sklorshp* out of sight with nary a startled yelp.

The way forward is always to write, by the way. You move ahead by throwing down words to step on, stringing them together to get from one shining idea to the next, until you look behind you and there’s a followable path. It might take you three months, it might take you a year or years. You might have to try out a lot of words, a lot of ways of overlapping and weaving them together, to see which ones will hold you up. You might have to start over.

Objectively, Sly Magic has so far been a failure. I’m not even close to making back the money I spent on cover art and editing, and I didn’t expect to. When we were trying to put my royalties into the appropriate blank in TurboTax, it kept changing it to zero. Come on, you have to laugh at that. That shit is funny.

Did you make a face when I said failure? Did it make you feel sad? Kinda smell mice and old paper in the back of your nose? Failure. Failuuuuure. Failure failure failure. Say it in your bedroom voice, it’s pretty. Sexy.

Because failure plus failure plus failure? Well, that’s a backlist.

 

Comments Off on Failed Novelist (Just Foxing Around)

Filed under Uncategorized

Friday Friends

If it’s Friday, Feb 28th, you can catch me over at Romance writer Donna Cummings’ blog, All About the Writing, for her Friday Friends feature!

If it’s not Friday yet, go on over and read about her latest release, An Encouraging Word.

6a011168847f76970c01a3fcc0ed0b970b-200wi

Comments Off on Friday Friends

Filed under Uncategorized

Sly Magic

Maybe you remember when I was talking about changing the title of Nogitsune awhile back, but I forgive you if you don’t. It’s been awhile.  As you’ll see in a moment, I did alter the title, and have a new cover made. AngstyG, by the way, is an amazing cover artist. Go to her.

There were some changes inside the book, too– some needed corrections made, and content added I think you’ll enjoy.

There’s no disputing the fact that the way to make money in self-pub is to have around three books ready to go when you enter the market, then keep up a steady production level so your new books are attracting customers to your previous work, and you start growing that long tail everyone keeps talking about. I didn’t do that. I put out the best book I had written. The one I wanted to show you, the one I wanted so much for you to read, I decided to put it out there myself so you could.

And that means that until I finish the next one, this book is my sole product on the market. This is your only measure of the kind of writer I am and want to be. It has to be–and look–as good as any trade published book out there, because readers deserve that respect, and I deserve to be able to look at a book and go, “Yeah. That right there is the best I can do, and that’s pretty good.” Now, whether you agree with me about that last bit or not, there’s only one way to find out. 😀

But about how it looks, I kinda think you’re going to agree with me that this is a great cover.

SlyMagicCover_1

RIGHT?! OMG I’M SO HAPPY I COULD LICK THE SCREEN! BUT I USUALLY DON’T WIPE IT VERY WELL  AFTER I SNEEZE!

 

Comments Off on Sly Magic

Filed under Uncategorized

The Five-Second Rule

A lot of research went into writing NOGITSUNE.  The history and folklore of America and Japan (more about that here) mostly, which then branched out into pop culture, as the kitsune is still a living, evolving icon. It was important that my foxes grow in an authentic manner from the roots of our real world, so you’d believe them in mine.

But from there I had a lot of fun with it, giving simple things like children’s games a new twist, the way I think they might have changed due to being fox-adjacent. One of these is the Five-Second Rule. That brief window of time after you drop an m&m or something on a hard surface, within which the Rule dictates it’s still clean enough to eat. In my hometown, we either jokingly pounced on the candy to pick it up in time, or if someone felt particularly daring, she might just “kiss it up to God” and eat it anyway. Sometimes it’s tough to let that last m&m go.

In a fictional city where food, good cigarettes, and even Starbucks cards are routinely left as offerings to the unseen, what would children from a supernatural lineage (and a couple of generations of indulgent elders) do with the Five Second Rule? How does a family tradition arise, and what would someone from a hundred years ago or a modern cousin from whichever Old Country think of it?

Sometimes I worry that people will read NOGITSUNE and think “WTF, no one does this! She’s just pulling it out of her ass!” But I hope I struck the right balance of actual and fictional, so that it feels like a thing these characters would do. That I’ve been respectful enough of the origins in creating something new.

And that you’ll love it.

image030

Comments Off on The Five-Second Rule

Filed under Uncategorized

Quit F*cking with the Damn Knobs!

As a new self-published author, there’s a lot of advice to sift through, a lot of decisions to make. Many people have blazed the trail before me, and we’re now well out of the “Don’t. You’ll ruin your career” era, but not quite out of the “Are you actually published, or self-published?” one.  It’s an exciting, terrifying time in publishing, no matter which road you find yourself on.

I’ll be honest. Self-pubbing was never my goal. I wanted what a dear writer friend calls the White Wedding publishing experience. An agent, a publisher, and the chance to see my book on the shelves at a brick-and-mortar store. It took some wrenching to reevaluate what I wanted out of a writing career, and if self-pubbing some of my books was a valid—for me—step toward achieving that. I still want a trade publishing deal someday, but the last eight or nine years have shown me my books may never be the kind that an agent or editor wants to hang their reputation or paycheck on. And that’s okay. It doesn’t make them bad books, and I don’t have the raging Hard-On of Hate for trade publishing that some people seem to think propels all SPers forward. Weird NSFW pogo-stick visual, but whatever.

But what it does mean is that I have to make decisions that I always thought someone else would be making. Cover art, price, when or if to make a physical book available, editing, a deadline by which I’d have to just put the damn thing out there. Full control is amazing, right?

It is. And it also sucks. When someone else has control of your book’s fate, it’s a different set of anxieties than when that’s all on you. If I have a down day or week, thinking all my work is shit and I have no business calling myself a writer, I can literally hit Unpublish, fold myself up into the sand like Hamunaptra, and give up on the whole thing that easily. That much access to the finished work can be poisonous, especially if, deep in your hermitty little heart, you still secretly feel that if it were any good, you would have gotten an offer goddammit.

Every aspect of your book, your author persona, and your marketing strategy is fully in your control. That control ends at the reader. I was very careful with NOGITSUNE’s cover. I worried about white-washing and stereotypical Asian symbols and stock art. I wanted to suggest kitsune folklore without making it look like a historical or a Romance, which is a taller order than you’d think. Then there was the title.

Several friends, correctly, had suggested that “nogitsune” was a problematic title for my debut. Sure, other books successfully incorporate apostrophe-laden fantasy names and even made-up words in their titles. But this one, well, it looks foreign. Yeah, it looks “foreign” because it’s a Japanese term, for a type of fox out of Japanese folklore. I can make fun of Foreign Word Cooties all I want, but that doesn’t change that it can be a real branding problem. For an English-only reader, “nogitsune” doesn’t bring anything to mind when you glance at it (unless you’re a die-hard anime fan or perhaps a member of the Anthro community) and so the graffiti-style kitsune image is left to do all the heavy lifting.

I love the word, I like the way it looks on the cover, and frankly, I couldn’t think of anything better. It has meaning to me, so I look at it differently than a reader winnowing through a thousand thumbnail covers would. Stubbornly. Now I’m two months in, working on the next book, and seriously considering changing NOGITSUNE’s title when I release Book Two. I literally can’t even give this book away. It has an interesting cover, a great (I think) blurb, and a reasonable (I also think) price-point. The only thing that leaves is the title, and since all of these things are so easily changeable, I could conceivably keep switching them out until I hit the right combo.

Or I could just leave it alone long enough for readers to find me, and work on the next thing, since I know that’s the only way to grow the proverbial long tail. It takes self-discipline to forge ahead instead of endlessly tweaking, and honesty to admit it’s just a sneaky form of procrastination. Let it be now, and come back when you have some perspective. That’s the smart thing to do.

But this damn self-publishing thing has knobs, and it’s devilish hard not to keep fiddling with them.

image030

 

Comments Off on Quit F*cking with the Damn Knobs!

Filed under Uncategorized

Cover Reveal (I know, a little out of order. I got excited.)

Here’s the final cover art for Nogitsune.  Isn’t it gorgeous? The artist is Ashley Neal.

Cover_FinalDraft_smaller

Comments Off on Cover Reveal (I know, a little out of order. I got excited.)

Filed under Uncategorized

It’s Out!

AAAAAAHHHHHH OMG YOU CAN READ THE THING THAT POURED OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

Ahem.

Nogitsune is now available for purchase at Amazon.

image036

 

 

Comments Off on It’s Out!

Filed under Uncategorized